Bring on the pain
by JenLin
Summary: Jacob's feelings when he got the invitation to Bella's wedding. One-shot.


**This story was inspired by the song "Breakeven" by The Script. It might not go exactly as described by SM, but on a whole it's like in Eclipse. And remember that this is about Jacob, and what he _thinks_ Bella is feeling - he's hurt and angry, so it might not correspond to what she's really feeling. Anyway, enjoy!**

**And I still don't own the characters.  
**

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_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing  
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in  
Cos I got time while she got freedom  
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even_

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I could only stare at the words on the paper I was holding. Or actually, just one word. _Wedding_. I didn't need to look at the names to know who this was from, and maybe a small part of my brain also thought that as long as I didn't see the proof, black on white, it wasn't true.

But it was.

Before the pain I knew was coming any second now could hit, I turned around, paying no attention to whatever it was my dad was saying, and stormed out of the house. I was in my wolf form before I reached the trees.

The second my brain caught up, it hit full force. _Wedding_. She really was marrying the leech. The filthy bloodsucker would get to call her his _wife_. My chest felt crushed, like someone had run me over with a bus, twice. I had to stop running - I couldn't breathe. I collapsed on the ground, whimpering. The whimper turned into a howl.

The pain was unbearable, and I prayed to whatever god there was who would listen - for what, I didn't know. To die? For _her_ to die? Certainly for _him_ to die, but there was nothing new in that. Whatever to make this pain stop, for it to go away, or even just to go numb. Anything was better than this.

Right now, it felt like it would never stop. How could someone ever get over this kind of pain? This was probably a life sentence… How ironic - we always had some kind of hold on each other, and now that she broke free of it, she just ended up dumping her part of it all on me. It was a win-win deal for her, for sure - the bloodsucker seemed to want her (I didn't believe he could really love her - what kind of sick joke was that anyway? Who was in love with their _food_?), and she knew I loved her, so she got us both, and conveniently I would be the one handling the whole suffering-part. Bring on the pain, Jake can handle it, right? That seemed to be all I was good for in her eyes these days. Sure, it came in handy having me around when the leech decided to take off. I get to pick up the pieces, and then, when she starts to resemble a human being again, he comes back, and it's all back to normal. And I could return to the back of the picture, where I belonged.

She was probably ecstatic about the whole thing. Getting married to the leech, her dream come true, probably. The best day of her life - and the worst of mine. And then, after that, he would… I couldn't even think of it. The thought of him making her one of _them_ got me back to howling. I knew people could probably hear me for miles, but I seriously didn't give a shit about that. Actually, _she_ could probably hear it, too - she'd know it was me. Would she even care? Probably not. But any little discomfort I could cause her now, I'd be happy to do it. She deserved any regrets she might have.

I suddenly became aware of the others. They had heard me, of course, so they were all phasing to see what was going on. And now I had to watch a re-run of everything I'd been feeling since getting home and finding the invitation.

_-So sorry, man. - How are you holding up? - Want me to come with you and rip the head of the leech? Who cares about the treaty anyway?_ The others' voices filled my head. I couldn't stand their pity, and the pictures of _her_ and that bloodsucker that were going thorough everyone's head weren't doing my sanity any good, either. I got up and started running again.

_- Jake, where are you going? -Where should we meet up, Jake?_ The others were keen to come with me, wherever I was heading. I had no idea, I was just running blindly, but I knew I sure as hell didn't want any company. Sam seemed to get this.

_-Wrap it up, guys, let's give the man some peace._ After some grumbling I could hear the others' voices disappear. _Thanks_, I told Sam.

_-Just take as long as you need, ok? And, Jake… _ Sam hesitated, which made me think he was about to say something I didn't want to hear. I was right.

_-Just… Sometimes these things happen for a reason. Maybe you two just weren't meant to be, you know? _The thoughts I sent back at him were enough to make him shut up and phase back, too.

These things happen for a reason, do they? So there was a reason for her falling in love with a filthy bloodsucker, and probably soon becoming one herself?! If she didn't get killed in the process, that is! What was Sam _thinking_, who says stuff like that??

I kept running, finally alone in my head. I tried to tune out all the feelings that were fighting for room inside my head. I tried to concentrate on the soft _thump_ of my feet on the ground. But the pain was still too fresh, too raw to be ignored. So _this is what real heartbreak feels like_, I thought. I started to run even faster, scared that if I stopped to think properly for even a second, I'd fall to pieces. And it wasn't like when _she_ had fallen apart - she'd had me to put her back together again. There was no one to fix me when I broke down. She'd seen to that.

So she'd moved on with her life, together with the filthy leech. She was done with me; she'd got loverboy back, and dumped me. What did she care that I was hurting, grieving the loss of my best friend, the girl I loved? She'd probably be happy to hear I had gone; no moping, jealous Jacob hanging around, problem solved.

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**Reviews are always appreciated!**


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